'Being Me': Transgender Children. Four Corners ABC TV - VIDEO

Tomorrow night on Four Corners, Janine Cohen will present a report titled ‘Being Me’ – the story of girls and boys, born in the wrong body and their struggle to be who they are.

Here is a preview:

Post by Four Corners.

Says the show's promo:

There are any number of self help books that will tell you how to find yourself.

But what if truly being yourself involved changing your gender? Would you have the courage to do it?

Eleven-year-old Isabelle does. To the world she looked like a young boy. But she knew that she was really a girl, and a year ago she told her parents the way she felt.

This week Four Corners reporter Janine Cohen tells Isabelle’s story and the story of the family, the doctor and ultimately the community that backed her decision to truly be herself.

Along the way we meet other people who’ve confronted the same feelings and discover that a growing and significant number of children are finding themselves in the same situation. Some find support from their parents and doctors. Others discover fear, prejudice and a legal system that doesn’t make it easy for them to be themselves.

For Isabelle, the decision to tell her story was not made lightly. She and her parents tell Four Corners that they are willing to speak about their experience so that others won’t feel alone and other transgender children can be helped and protected.

Doctors tell the program that trying to repress the feeling that you are trapped in the wrong body simply does not work. Instead, it can lead to self harm and even suicide.

Paediatricians also make it clear that timing is important. They explain that if children want to make a physical change, then treatment should begin at puberty. In that way, hormone treatments can be prescribed with far better results.

A senior judge tells Four Corners she is keen to see the law relating to transgender treatment tested sooner rather than later.

Meanwhile, doctors and families warn the current legal situation is putting some children at risk.

Isabelle’s story is remarkable and inevitably raises many questions for families, doctors and society in general. Ultimately though, it’s a journey that shows courage and honesty is essential to triumph over ignorance. It’s a story that is not to be missed.

'Being Me', reported by Janine Cohen and presented by Kerry O’Brien, will air on Monday 17 November at 8.30pm. It is replayed on Tuesday 18 November at 11am and at 11.35pm. It can also be seen on ABC News 24 on Saturday at 8.00pm, ABC iview and at abc.net.au/4corners.

Working mums versus single women and balancing expectations

A piece was written below for Josie's Juice about how this woman's decision to change jobs has affected the balance she enjoyed with juggling kids and work and the understanding they all had about who fits where, and accomodations made for school pick-ups and the like.

The last time I worked full time was when I was pregnant with my twins. My editor at the time was an absolute champion. I worked a few days a week from home, which, when I was heavily pregnant was an absolute godsend. They should make a mould of this empathetic gay man who was my ed, and replicate him in all workplaces. I will never forget how wonderfully I was treated.

I have gone back to work since the twins were born, though just contract work here and there. All parties were across the fact I am a mum with nobody else available to do daycare (and now school) pickups and that I don't live close to the CBD, which is where my work has always been. I would've felt upset and disappointed if my employer didn't get the predicament I was in, but they have always been exceptional. And I have always given back ten-fold, working additional hours from home. And now that I do work from home lots, I love it. But those work/life balance boundaries are so very blurred. But that's a whole other blog post.

Now, read this woman's story about how her new workplace and how having working mums as allies in the office is a vastly underrated job perk.

"When I decided to change jobs after 15 years there were many factors in my decision to move.

Wages (of course), conditions, distance to travel, hours and a future with the company were all considerations. One thing that didn’t even register on my radar was whether there were other mums in the office.

This small oversight has turned out to be one of the biggest reasons why now, three months later, I am the loneliest I’ve ever been in a job and why I feel “different”.

At my previous job there were three other mums and three single staff. The mums loved hearing the weekend war stories of the singles. We lived vicariously through their exploits and sexploits and laughed and nodded knowingly at their tales of bar hopping and all the fun spontaneous things that go with being young and free.

And us mums were able to compare notes on our kids. We were able to talk about bullying at school, homework, nits, hand, foot and mouth disease, discipline and a myriad of other parent related issues.

The singles of our office laughed, sometimes grimaced and told us we were the best contraceptives in their lives.

If one of the kids were sick and the mum needed to leave work to pick up the child from school, we all understood. Working mums tend to make up for the hours even if not required and no one in our office ever felt short changed that they were doing more than the others. Similarly we understood if the singles were a bit late after a big weekend.

Our working environment was a happy marriage of singles and mums and it worked out well.

Fast forward to my new job and the story is not quite the same.

I am the oldest person, I am the only mother and if I mentioned the word nits, I think they might actually run me out of the office spraying Glen 20 after me.

There’s little understanding and no empathy when I had to leave to pick up my sick child  (even though I worked from home and made up the hours) from school. Initially I started to talk about my kids and what we did on the weekend – you know the rounds of birthday parties, footy, karate and endless kid stuff – however when I saw their eyes glaze over I stopped.

Now I just ask about their weekends and if asked, simply say mine was “busy” or “quiet”. Now I see smiles not bored looks.

A couple of months into the job, a Friday night staff outing was organised. I had to move heaven and earth to be there – hubby was interstate and finding a babysitter was not easy but finally I did it. I finished early that day so went home changed and turned up to the venue. I waited. I waited. And then I phoned only to be told they’d changed their mind about lawn bowls and decided to go bar hopping instead. I was so upset no one bothered to tell me that I just went home. I am sure it wasn’t deliberate but I’m just not one of them and they actually forgot to call me.

I miss the mums and I miss sharing my home life with my work friends. I feel different and not in a good way.

Next job as well as asking about pay conditions and parking, I will ask the question “do you have any mums in the office?”"

What do you think of this woman's story? Can you relate? Are you a working mum? Or a single woman in an office of working mums? Share your story here.

Working mums and school drop off and pick up: how do they do it?

So... let me get this straight.

You get up between 6am and 7am. Prep the kids for school, do the drop off, and get home by 9.30am? Then, wrap up by 2pm tops, and make your way to the school again, pick up the kids, have snacks ready, maybe even dinner if they're hungry.

Or: do all of the above, and accelerate it so you're out of the house even earlier, drop off the kids as early as possible, then race off to work and try your hardest to get there by 9am - because after all of that daily madness the last thing you want is any judgemental co-worker stares...

Am I on the right track here?

Day four into kindergarten-hood and it's confronting. But not surprising.

What seemed like a bit of a novelty - and it still is for now - already feels like: man, I have to do twelve years of this?

I've said it before, and I will say it again: the single biggest asset a young family can have is one thing and one thing only: a grandparent who can drive.

Think about it: the grandparent who is old enough to retire, yet young enough to care for your kids, and has a driver's licence is the biggest asset of all. This selfless soul [bonus points if you have TWO grandparents' help on tap! Four grandparents? Well... you have just won life's lottery] allows you to go to work and not worry about leaving at two on the dot to collect your kids. This angel will take your kids to their home, feed them, deal with tired tantys, maybe even bathe them, and have them ready for you after you've dealt with your own madness at work: battling traffic, dealing with budgets and meetings and work politics and deadlines.

And what kind of work options are even available to parents with kids at school?

A job where you can do a daily shift of 10am to 2pm?

But what happens every 10 or so weeks when kids go on school holidays? Can parents take two weeks off every few months? Impossible!

Of course there is vacation care for the above dilemma, and after school care for school pick up... but... imagine the costs involved!

As I said, I am very new to this but the quandary is very clear to me now: women who have children have to make a ridiculous amount of sacrifices, unless they have family support on tap, anytime, anywhere... for free.

I am so very grateful I work freelance - there simply is no other way!

What is your experience of balancing the work/life/school/kids balance?

Share your views below!

Oh... here is a photo of my twins' first day of school a few days ago. My husband took a day off work and helped with school drop off of our precious duo. It was a very special moment, though obv a one-off.

Chrissie Swan: Smoking While Pregnant - 'The Project' clip

TV and radio personality Chrissie Swan tearfully admitted on TV's 'The Project' this evening that her "dirty little habit" of smoking while pregnant is something people have a right to be disgusted about.

She added that she has really struggled to give up smoking during her third pregnancy, and probably wouldn't have confessed to it had she not been caught out by a photographer.

Chrissie earlier used her Mix FM Melbourne radio program to confess her smoking while pregnant - which she had kept hidden from her partner, family and friends until being photographed by a paparazzo last week.

"I actually can’t explain it," she told Carrie Bickmore and Charlie Pickering from 'The Project'. "There can be no reason," she added. Chrissie said she was "completely embarrassed" by the story "because being a mother is the single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me".

See an edited clip from 'The Project' below:



What do you think? Did you smoke while pregnant?

Feel free to comment below.

Frozen Embryo Debate - One Woman's Story

You may have read recently that healthy frozen embryos are being destroyed because patients are led to believe they are only viable for as little as five years.

With more than 120,000 frozen embryos in storage in Australia, many IVF clinics ask patients to destroy them within five to 10 years.

And so, I asked a Sydney mum in her 40s who has experienced this dilemma what she thought of it all and what she did:

"Firstly, I am not even sure why there should be laws, or even guidelines, in place to cover this. What is the legal implication if the embryo is kept or not? Surely that decision should be up to the owners (the parents).


Unless you have actually been through this it would be hard to understand the emotional dilemma that comes with making a decision about unused embyos.


For many people, doing nothing is avoiding that dilemma. And I think they should be allowed to deal with the dilemma in that way if they wish to.


I had a lot of angst dealing with what to do with our frozen embryos. I was 40 and had just found out I was pregnant with twins. 


And I had three healthy embryos waiting for me .


I didn’t want to destroy them. I knew I didn’t want to donate them. I just didn’t know what I was going to do with them. So I froze them.


Then I hit 43 so it was going to be now or never. The decision was made that I would try again . And in the end all three didn’t take. While I was disappointed that they hadn't worked, I was relieved that in the end I didn’t have to destroy them. They said their farewell in my body, and that gave me some comfort.

What would I have done if I was given a "time limit"? Because of my age, I probably wouldn’t have been too bothered because I would not have tried to fall pregnant 10 years down the track after the birth of the boys.And maybe in the back of my mind it would have been a relief that someone had made the decision for me; that I could "blame' the legal requirement or the clinic for their destruction, rather than my own decision .


But I know if I were younger, say 30, I would have opposed it. What if I did want another child 10 years down the track and couldn’t because my embryos had been destroyed.


As long as people can afford to freeze their embryos, they should be able to do so for as long as they wish. Its their property, and unless science provides a good reason not too keep them indefinetly, then legal requirements should not come into the picture."

What do you think? Have you had this conversation with your partner, or indeed the clinic where your frozen embryos are stored? Comment below...

Prime Minister Julia Gillard responds to open letter on gay marriage by Matt Young

Last month, news.com.au journalist Matt Young wrote an open letter to Prime Minister Julia Gillard on gay marriage.

This is how his letter started:

Dear Prime Minister,

"I write to you as a tax paying citizen, a brother, a son, an uncle and a member of the homosexual community frustrated with our politicians’ lacklustre stance on the rights of gay and lesbians in our fair nation. On both sides of the political fence, that is."

Here is more what Matt [below] said, which was published on both 'The Punch' and news.com.au

And today, Matt reveals that he did indeed receive a reply from the Prime Minister's office. Just not from Julia.

You can read more here.

The news is not great, and certainly not what Matt hoped to hear.

What are your thoughts?

Six Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage, by Laura Doyle

You know how sometimes you read a post and it kinda... resonates.

This is one of them.

This just appeared on The Huffington Post site - it's an article titled: "It's The Intimacy, Stupid: 6 Steps for Women to Stamp Out Divorce."

If you're married or living with your partner or in a serious relationship, you'll wanna read it. No, really. Oh, and share it:

Skill #1: Do at Least Three Things a Day for Your Own Pleasure

There's a direct correlation between your self-care and your level of tolerance for your husband. Self-care is a profound act for opening the door to intimacy. Relationships require patience and compassion, but if you're tired, frazzled or undernourished, you give yours little chance of thriving. Self-care -- focusing on your own pleasure -- takes the pressure off your husband to make you happy (he can't anyway). Your good mood also signals to him that he can succeed in delighting you, which inspires him to want to do just that. By treating ourselves well, we also teach other people how to treat us. Having fun every day is not only critical for a satisfying romance, it's part of a life well-lived.

Skill #2: Relinquish Control of People You Can't Control

"Helpful" in wife language is controlling in husband language. When you correct your man's driving or what he wears or does at work, you're saying he's not competent. That unwitting criticism is an attack and pushes intimacy away no matter how well-meaning your comment. Intimacy needs safety and encouragement to thrive, and vanishes with criticism. Take a step back and trust him to run his own life without any help from you, and watch him take a step forward and start acting like the man you fell in love with.

To read the rest of the piece, click here.

And for more on Laura, click here.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Your tried and true relationship success tips?

Below is a pic from Laura Doyle's Facebook page [https://www.facebook.com/lauradoyle.org] - she's a 'New  York Times' best-selling author of the controversially titled 'The Surrendered Wife' [http://www.surrenderedwife.com/], in which she says her focus is on "teaching every woman how it feels to be loved and cherished by a man who devotes himself to making her happy."

What are your thoughts on the concept?

'Is it okay to be left handed?' - Beyond Blue's message

Watch this recent viral clip from Beyond Blue and be moved by the message:

This is the message from the Beyond Blue site about the campaign:

"beyondblue, in collaboration with GLBTI communities and the Movember Foundation, has produced a new national campaign. The campaign aims to improve the communities understanding of discriminatory behaviour and the impact of discrimination on the mental health of GLBTI communities.

The campaign works predominantly with mainstream Australia, and with young people in particular, to improve people's understanding of discriminatory behaviour and the impact that this has. The campaign is designed to prompt people to STOP the discrimination, THINK about how comments you make could cause real distress and harm, and RESPECT people who are different from you."

To get involved and have your say about this campaign visit beyondblue's Facebook page [https://www.facebook.com/pages/Beyond-Blue/114265858590181], or send a tweet using #lefthand"

'The Conversation' - Portia De Rossi, Lady Gaga

Have you watched 'The Conversation' yet?

It's deep and meaningful celeb chats with a difference, with Amanda De Cadanet.

Here are some grabs of this week's ep screening in Australia on the Style Network

Portia De Rossi on body image:



Lady Gaga on what she'd tell her 14 year old self:



And author Leslie Bennetts on women finding empowerment through work:



Is it your kinda show? It is mine. It's fab to see proper, non-PRy celeb chats with meaning...

Internet Trolls: 'Insight' on SBS. Why trolls troll

Warning: this post will make your blood boil. It did for me.

This week's 'Insight' on SBS One is about THE hot topic of the moment: internet trolls.

But this time a TV program actually speaks to the trolls and asks them: why do you do it?

This person - known as 'Weev', full name Andrew Auernheimer - puts forward his words on why he trolls. It's hard to contain my anger as I watch this:

And another clip from the ep, where lawyer Greg Walsh - a lawyer who has represented families affected by cyber bullying and trolling - confronts self-proclaimed troll Weev on his trolling activities: 



Here's another clip, where Stephen Deguara speaks - his 15 year old daughter Kirstin was killed in a car crash in May 2010. Kirstin's memorial website was attacked by trolls two days after her death. The website was shut down but trolls then set up their own page about the crash.:



And lastly, the promo trailer for the ep:



This episode of 'Insight' is an extraordinary television event, where we hear from the trolls themselves – unmasked and unafraid to talk openly about their activities and where they draw the line.

They face off with trolling victims and experts to discuss the impacts of trolling, whether a
crackdown on trolling would threaten free speech, and whether people simply need to ‘toughen
up’ when they enter online spaces.

What do you think?

Please comment below.

Guests on this edition of 'Insight' include:

Andrew Auernheimer aka ‘Weev’
Andrew calls himself a troll. Also known by his pseudonym ‘Weev’, Andrew says trolling is about taking what people make public and using it to infuriate them. In 2011 he was arrested and charged for allegedly hacking into the servers of US telecommunications company AT&T and taking the personal information of Apple iPad users.

Jaime Cochran
Jaime calls herself a troll. She explains trolling as doing something inflammatory that invokes an emotional reaction from someone. She says she doesn’t target anyone in particular, just
“whoever takes the bait”.

Steven
Steven is a self-proclaimed troll. He says he likes to troll people who he thinks are being
aggressive or homophobic. But Steve doesn’t like Twitter trolls and says trolling has
deteriorated from just ‘stirring people’ to hurting them.

Darren Hassan
Darren says he was targeted by trolls after appearing on the first series of SBS’s Go Back You
Where You Came From. He says the attacks were personal and directed towards his wife and
children. Facebook pages calling him a racist were also set up. Darren says anonymity online
can bring out the worst in people.

Stephen Deguara
Stephen’s 15 year old daughter Kirstin was killed in a car crash in May 2010. Kirstin’s website
was attacked by trolls two days after her death. The website was shut down but trolls then set
up their own page about the crash.

Whitney Phillips
Whitney has interviewed trolls and studied trolling. She thinks the term ‘trolling’ is often used
incorrectly by the media. She says trolls see their activities as a game. Whitney doesn’t think
getting rid of anonymity on platforms such as Twitter is a step in the right direction.

Greg Walsh
Greg is a lawyer who has represented families affected by cyber bullying and trolling. He wants
new legislation introduced to help prosecute people who troll and bully online. He thinks we’re
getting to a stage where we should no longer allow anonymity online.

Insight is hosted by Jenny Brockie and airs every Tuesday at 8.30pm on SBS ONE.

For more, click here: www.sbs.com.au/insight 
Follow Twitter here:| #InsightSBS

First World Problems: Water is Life campaign

How many times have you uttered those ironic words: "First world problems"?

You know the drill: you complain about how, say, it takes so long for a waiter to bring you a menu. Or how Maccas forgets your sweet and sour sauce with your chicken nuggets.

Yep, first world problems.

Now an organisation has taken on this decidedly Western complaint and turned it into a very clever, very effective ad campaign:

Watch the ad here:



The campaign is from charitable organisation Water is Life, and features Haitian children and adults reading the everyday gripes first world people post on Twitter with the popular #FirstWorldProblems hashtag.

Entitled "First World Problems Anthem", it's produced by ad agency DDB NY, and its intention is raise awareness of the nonprofit organisation's efforts to provide clean drinking water in countries like India and Haiti.

Water is Life's special project is called "The Straw," a $10 a portable water filter/purifier that the organisation says can be used in any water source to provide clean, safe drinking water for a year.

For more, go here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/05/first-world-problems-read-by-third-world-kids-ad-campaing_n_1943648.html?utm_hp_ref=impact

Jennifer Livingston on 'weight bullying': "I am much more than a number on a scale"

By now, you've likely heard the story about the American news anchor woman who says she was bullied by a viewer email commenting on her weight.

Here is the background to the story [as an interesting side-note, this woman - Jennifer Livingston - is the sister of actor Ron Livingston [Jack Berger from 'Sex & The City']. Watch:



And now, the man who wrote the email responds:


A few days earlier, she is interviewed by her own news network colleague [at the 1.35 mark]:


What do you think of the whole thing? Definite bullying? Or just a viewer expressing an opinion?
Share your comments below.

A few days ago, brother Ron said this in a statement:

"My sister Jennifer is an Emmy winning journalist and mother of three amazing girls. She brings an exceptional dedication to her job, her family, and her community, and has been a role model of mine for many, many years. I'm extremely proud of her."

Thoughts?

Who am I? Your identity post-marriage, divorce, and name changes

Recently, I was called Mrs Galea... and I almost had to turn around and ask, "Um, who?"

I was at school, enrolling my twins into kindergarten for next year, and as I filled out the first of myriad forms for their entire school life, the school secretary asked me a question, punctuated by the whole 'Missus' thing.

I was in shock. I felt so... grown up.

Now, granted - I am 40. But I am not in denial about my surname, or being married - I've been married nine years. It's just that I am not often referred to as Mrs Galea. There's some background to it all...

Galea is my married surname - and although I adopted it on all things official [bank records, forms, all the legal stuff] - I had a chat with my husband when we first married about not changing my surname for my work. No disrespect, but Galea is... well, like 'Smith' for Maltese: a very common surname.

My maiden surname - Gagliano - is distinctive and unique... and there are not many of us!

I presented a good, strong 'case' at the time, to my new husband: "But nobody will know me if I change my name to Josie Galea. My industry knows my Italian, hard-to-pronounce surname! People won't remember a 'Josie Galea'!"

He was a tad disappointed, but once I told him I'd absolutely change all my records, all the important stuff to Galea, he was cool. [Interestingly, I changed my driver's licence over to Galea only when I was pregnant with our twins, however. It was such a waste of money to change it before that, I thought - I'd paid for a five year licence. And at four years married, I figured I should make it well and truly 'official', seeing as I was carrying his children and all].

"My name is my currency," I added to my not-changing-my-professional-name argument, just to make sure he really got what I meant. He did. We moved on from that quickly and happily, and he's as proud as ever when I show him my published stories, always with a 'Josie Gagliano' byline.

So: that's why I found the whole Mrs Galea thing weird. I do love getting official letters with Mrs Galea, and... I will admit: the other day I got my first letter from the school with Mr & Mrs F & J Galea and I loved it.

So, while my identity is a little all over the shop [let's not start on the fact that Josie is really, actually not my 'real' name] I most definitely know who I am and where I'm at.

And so, I asked my friends: after how ever many years you've been married, do you still find it weird being called a "Mrs"?

Helen said: "Yes I do I agree, especially the boys' school teachers. I'll say to them "just call me Helen."

My very much married, ex-editor gay pal Scott, who recently married his partner, said: "Hmmm, strangely enough, nobody's called me Mrs anything since we tied the knot ;-)."

I promised I'd refer to him as a "Mrs" from here on in. Love him.

My good pal Celeste declared that she never changed her name both times she got married. "I figured it had been my name for so long, why should I change it? It's my identity." Very good call there, Celeste.

Karen, who was married and is now very much in love and living with her Italian-born partner, added: "Thankfully, in Italy it is rare for women to change their surname. [I was born and I will die a 'Denaro'.] What really spins me out is when someone calls me 'Signora' or 'Madam'. Ummm, hello... in the first instance, I'm not my mum and in the second: well...I don't own a brothel!"

That made me LOL very much.

Veronica reveals: "When we were living with my in-laws, I once answered the phone to someone asking to speak to Mrs Marchione. I automatically said, "Hold on, I'll just get her for you". The funny thing was that it was me they wanted to speak to. It didn't even click that there was another Mrs Marchione in the house - LOL!"

Adds Gina: "My children's school here in London is quite traditional and teachers and staff only ever refer to parents by their surname. Personally I feel like my mother-in-law! But it's actually quite sweet as it trickles down to the children. I guess it touches on what I was taught growing up to respect elders. After being at the school for a year I find it quite refreshing in today's world that they do hang on to these traditions."

Yes, I agree there, Gina. Whilst I did a double-take when I heard Mrs Galea, I definitely liked it. It was like: here at school, I am a Mrs and a 'Mummy' and that's my identity. And I like that.

Adds Morena, who is a mother and a teacher: "When you're a teacher you get used to it very quickly. I still like hearing the occasional "Miss La Monica" [her maiden name] from past students. Makes me feel young."

Agrees Terese: "I suspect I won't get used to it until the kids start school."

I agree there, Terese. And in the meantime, I will pop up letters for orientation and school uniforms up on my fridge, and embrace the whole tradition I am slowly getting used to.

Adds my friend Fabiana, who got married at age 20: "I have been a 'Mrs' just over half my life - my maiden name sounds weird to me."

That makes total sense. In that instance, your maiden name-self would feel like a whole other lifetime ago.

And finally, Donna adds: " I used to love saying 'boyfriend' when he first became my boyfriend, 'fiance' when he first became my fiance, and 'husband' when he first became my husband. But 'Mrs Storey' just makes me feel like they are talking about my mum in law, not me."

Agree there, Donna. 'Mrs' followed by your husband's surname sounds so mum-in-law-y. Thing is, I will always be a 'Gagliano'... and I secretly love that my kids know how to pronounce my difficult-to-say surname. Anyone can say 'Galea', right? Ha.

What's your take on the whole Mrs versus Ms versus Miss thing? Guys, speak up, too!

[A photo from our wedding day below... where I was really, truly happy to be 'Mrs Galea'. Really!]:

Harrison Ford turns 70; how do large-age-gap couples make their relationship work?

Harrison Ford turns 70 today.

Which I am kinda not surprised about... man has been around in movies for eons. And, you know, he has the laugh lines to prove it.

It did make me think about his wife, actress Calista Flockhart (from hit TV show 'Ally McBeal').

While he blows out 70 candles on his birthday cake, she snuffs out a comparatively paltry 47.

They got together when he was younger, but now... well, she's married to a septuagenarian.

Not that there's anything wrong with that of course, but it got me thinking about what couples with a large age gap give up in order to stay together.

Having kids is the big one. Does the older partner feel that they are 'done' in that department when they meet... yet the younger partner want to have kids? This could be the case even if they already have kids [like Calista Flockhart did when they met], though especially if they don't.

And then there is the social life aspect - what stage is the older partner at? Does the younger partner have more desire to get amongst it, while the older partner - well, slippers and trackies all the time is vastly appealing.

Of course, there is an exception to every rule. As an example: I am slightly older than my husband and yet I have far more energy and enthusiasm to 'do stuff', go out, have fun, than he does. But then, it has always been this way.

Can you relate to this large age gap dynamic? How do you make it work?

Cue 'Sex & The City' reference, where Samantha Jones dates a much, much older man:

Schools on strike: what teachers and mums think

So, this morning as I sat down to work from home after dropping my kids off to daycare I found myself hearing the headlines again on the teacher's strikes affecting NSW teachers and kids and wondering: say if I was working full time in an office? What would I arrange for my school aged kids [the twins start school next year, so from 2013 on, this is likely] when teachers go on strike? What would I do? I have no babysitter help on tap. What do other full time mums/workers do?

So I used the best public barometer possible - Facebook! - to ask my friends what the thought about it all. The replies blew me away. Talk about a passionate, knowledgeable lot. With their permission, their thoughts are reproduced here.

Veronica starts: "I was going to post about it this morning but I held back as it is a very controversial subject. I endured strikes for many years whilst my girls were in a state school but really its gotten ridiculous of late. I realise that teachers have their argument but what is it teaching our children?? That its okay to have a hissy fit and just stop work and rebel against authorities whenever you don't agree with something? I have worked for more than 20 years and on occasion have disagreed on issues of employment and pay but never felt the need to just walk off the job! I don't understand why private schools and catholic schools never do it, is it because they get paid more I wonder?"

Nicole - a primary school teacher currently on leave to have her first baby - added: "Catholic school teachers don't get paid more. I've worked in the catholic system for 13 years and although in that time there have been a couple of strikes organised that catholic schools participated in, I have never. I figure that we belong to a union. It is a part of the role of that union to negotiate conditions on behalf of it's members. If it can't do that then we should be looking closer at the effectiveness (or lack of) of that union.

Veronica replies: "Yeah I thought that was the case Nicole. At the end of the day I think children and families are the ones that suffer. Glad I pulled mine out of the public system for many reasons and this was just one of them."

Another teacher - primary school teacher Elizabeth weighs in: "The strike that teachers are taking part in today, is all about fighting for the rights of the children we teach. The government has chosen to introduce new "initiatives"that will directly affect the quality of education that your children will receive. We have placed on hold our wage negotiations in favour of fighting to guarantee lower class sizes, fairness for students with disabilities and making sure we have qualified teachers in all classes. We understand parents frustrations when we choose to stop work. We do not do this lightly!"

Fabiana, a mother of a 21 year old and a 19 year old said: "Well when my boys were at school , it used to shit me big time having to organise baby sitters etc. But now that they are no longer at school I really don't care for me it is a bonus less traffic on the roads LOL... One thing that does not make sense is that the O'farrell govt was voted in by the majority of the people, teachers and parents alike so what is everyone getting upset about, not just teachers but everyone they voted him in, They wanted him he was the best thing for the state and for them. So I say get over it and get on with it. It is what it is and striking and getting angry is not going to change anything. Well that is my view

Nicole, the teacher, adds: "Lets face it-No teacher teaches for the Money. No amount of striking is going to change that. The amount of liability that teachers face is so out if balance with the remuneration which is why the education system loses it's best teachers. Whilst I advocate for individual teacher accountability, the details of liability need to be readdressed. The conditions that Elizabeth refers to also need to be addressed so that the needs of every student can be better met."

says Veronica: "I agree Fabiana....we as voters have the power to make change and when we elect leaders whether it be state or federal govt we become accountable. Striking doesn't fix things.....if we don't like what the government is doing than we have the power to change it at the next elections. Unfortunately as humans we will NEVER be 100% happy with alot of stuff in our communities, states, countries but getting angry doesn't have positive outcomes. I believe as an individual in an organisation such as hospitals, schools & employment we can all make a difference in others lives whether they be children, adults whatever without having to change policies or get angry with the government."

Nicole adds: " Teachers in the state school system are under huge pressures to do admininstration, mark books, prepare interesting lessons, stand in front of a class of kids who have their headphones in, their phones on, playing games on their laptops and they are not allowed to do anything about it. Prior to unions our kids would be working down coalmines 12 hours a day so lets stop bagging them - they've virtually had most of their powers taken away anyway."

Veronica adds: "But how are they any different to any other schools?? this happens in most other schools as well and they also have to abide by law and policies in most cases but they don't strike. I am a nurse and saw what went on with the nurse's strikes where 'some' not all of them walked out of the job in order to get more nurses for every patient...yes it worked BUT the difference here was that there were still nurses back in the hospitals caring for patients. They didnt just abandon hospitals and patients altogether, only some of them walked out. Why can't the same happen with teachers? instead of disrupting childrens and parents lives as they do on what seems like a monthly/two monthly basis."

Karina, also a teacher, weighs in: "I work in the private school system and my kids are in private schools but I am with you state teachers all way!... It's about the kids..... that's way days like these are necessary!"

Adds Nicole: "There are so many issues that need open discussion. Striking really is just one small issue. Unfortunately those who are not in the education system (which includes our ministers) remain unaware. Whatever you can do to bring these to open discussion can only be beneficial."

Says Fabiana: "Look I really don't get it, according to the paper this is why the strike is on "Teachers are striking because the state government is refusing to change its position on its Local Schools Local Decisions policy, which gives principals the power to control 70 per cent of a school's budget and hire up to half of its staff." What is wrong with this? don't universities work like this? and catholic schools?"

Adds Veronica: "I agree Fabiana, which is why they are not a private school where the principal has most of the control with parents direction. I don't get it either."

Sandra, about to graduate as a primary school teacher, adds: "Giving the power to the principals helps get rid of dead wood teachers. In the catholic or private system majority of teachers are on yearly contracts therefore if they are not performing they go."

Elizabeth: "Private and catholic school parents pay to attend their school. Public schools rely on funding from the government to pay staff as well as resource the school. There are no guarantees from the government to fund our schools both in staff and support for students past 2014. What happens to our students when they cut funding and the principal can't afford to pay staff wages or more importantly meet the needs of the students. Especially those students with special needs. They have already closed support classes for language disorders and reading support classes. They have gotten rid of behaviour support teachers and district learning support teachers. It is now up to 1 single classroom teacher to meet the individual learning and emotional issues of up to 30 or more students. The governments reply to this is that classroom teachers will have on line training to deal with these issues. On line training that happens out of school hours. We need to look at England's and Americas school systems. How successful are they. This is the way that our government is moving to cost cut. What is the price of a quality education?"

Nicole: "Catholic school education relies heavily upon government funding just as the public system does. Elizabeth refers to some of the myriad of issues facing schools and teachers which will not be resolved by ministers who are themselves unaware and unknowledgable of the industry. One issue is for principals to have greater control over the staffing of their schools which would allow them to use the same funding in creative ways to better suit the specific needs of their school. At the moment the arrangement of staffing is all prescribed."

Veronica: "Damn FB, I am supposed to be folding clothes and watching a movie LOL......I agree that there obviously issues that need to be resolved but there has to be a better way to get the message across other than striking. Can't parents and teachers sign petitions, send letters to local government, as well as state govt leaders etc and if they are going to strike not have the whole school do a dissapearing act??? I'm all for supporting childrens education and claiming back resources lost. I also hear what teachers are saying how its for the benefit of the children but the constant striking and putting children and parents out constantly is having the same effect as the lack of resources, benefits, control they are fighting for. Ok....gotta go now.........

Elizabeth: "I agree with the not striking issue. No teacher wants to strike. Not only do we upset the community of parents that we work with but we also forgo our wage for the day. This issues has been worked on for nearly a year. We have signed petitions, visited our local member with a delegation of teachers and been in constant talks with the government. Nothing has gotten the guarantees that we need re class sizes, funding and staffing. We know that there are going to be changes that we don't agree with. That's life in any job. But these changes should not affect the quality of education that kids are getting. That's what we want the government to sign off on.

Fabiana: "Just wondering have any of you looked back at your old school photos from primary school? Only those that attended public schools? Well I did and I had over 30 kids in each of my classes. Plus there was only 1 Teacher in all my classes, no support teacher no district learning, wonder how the teachers coped and I know we had some rowdy kids in my class these days they would be considered to have ADHD or something or other."

Adds Fabiana: "Sorry Elizabeth just a question, if the government are not guaranteeing funding after 2014 would that mean that they need to privatise or sell off the public schools first? Or do you mean they are not guaranteeing the amount of funds that the schools are being allocated? Do the education department forecast the number of people of in the area with school children using the data from the local councils to understand the needs for those schools and then allocate a percentage of their school allocation budget or do all schools get the same funding? not sure how it works I know that we paid a over $400 a year for my son in high school that was just school fees not books etc for a "free public schooling" wondering how it works?"

Answers Elizabeth: "There has been no mention of privatising schools yet. They are just not guaranteeing they same amount of funding after 2014. As to how they work out funding, at the moment staffing of schools is based around student numbers. That's why with these changes that may no longer happen. Less money for principals may mean employing less teachers despite the number of students. Funding for kids with special needs used to be based on individual students. Now if a student has mental health issues or asperges they no longer qualify for individual funding. Schools are given a specific amount of flexible funding that is to be spent meeting the needs of these students as well as those with language disorders and mild intellectual disabilities. How this is work out we are not sure and the gover nment refuses to release the costings. Hope this answers your question.

• Weighs in Genevieve: "Have to agree with nsw strike. If principals get full power the kids will.suffer especially for extra Circular activities and potty any child with additional needs."
  
  Adds Claudia, mum of two: " I've come into this late, but more control to principals equates more corruption. Nepotism and favouritism will be king. Qualifications won't matter. It will be who you know, not what you know. It is almost impossible to get a parent in the budget committee as it is, although the bylaws of the P&C require for one to be appointed. Giving the one person in the school 70% of the power only spells disaster. At the moment, to increase income, some principals are allowing an extraordinary number of kindy enrolments. This number is not maintained throughout the 5 remaining yrs. Resources all go to the lower classes to increase revenue. Tell me what level of education the higher yrs can expect , if resources are mostly spent on the lower yrs. In an ideal world, the principal would share it equally. Somehow I dont think that will be the case.
  
  Adds Maria: "Striking is the only way to make your viewpoint heard. A Union is the head but the neck of the union is it's members, and that's where the strength lies."