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Monday 21 February 2011

Nicole Kidman on 60 Minutes: why she used a 'gestational carrier.'

Did you see the 60 Minutes interview with Nicole Kidman last night?

Today Show reporter Karl Stefanovic asked Nicole those questions about being mum to newborn daughter Faith, for whom she enlisted a 'gestational carrier'.

Here is some of the transcript:

NICOLE KIDMAN: I mean, so deeply, emotionally moving and having given birth and then being on the place of seeing my child being born this way, the love I felt for our surrogate, gestational carrier. When we released our statement I know in Australia there was, like, "Gestational carrier - what does that mean?" And I think we were trying to be accurate. If it's your biological child then you use 'gestational carrier' and if it isn't, then you use 'surrogate'. I mean, who knows what it is, but she was the most wonderful woman to do this for us. And we were in a place of desperately wanting another child and this opportunity arose for us. And I couldn't get pregnant and we wanted another baby. I get emotional just talking about it 'cause I'm so grateful to her. I cannot believe I'm now crying on 60 Minutes.

KARL STEFANOVIC: It's a beautiful thing. You should be proud of it.

NICOLE KIDMAN: Oh, so, so proud and anyone that's been in the place of wanting another child, or wanting a child, knows the disappointment, the pain and the loss that you go through trying and struggling with fertility is such a big thing. And it's not something that I would ever run away from talking about. I've had a very roller-coaster ride with fertility. I just have, and it has never been easy for me so to now be in this place where I have two gorgeous adopted children and two biological children, I can't believe that's what's happened in my life, you know.

KARL STEFANOVIC: Is the bond the same when you gave birth to Sunday as with Faith?

NICOLE KIDMAN: Yes. Yeah. I mean, but it's the same when your children are adopted as well. I think children are children. You'll die for your children and when you feel that as a parent, I mean, that's the unconditional love and people can talk about it and until you feel it, you can't quite grasp it.

You can see the entire transcript - and video - here:


So, what do you think?

Here's what I think...

I think the judgement that some people pass on not having a child the 'traditional way' (husband, wife, missionary, natural birth - you know the drill) is unnerving, smug, and incredibly devoid of any emotion.

It almost smacks of bullying; kinda like, "if you can't do it this way, you don't belong in the club."

Thing is, most (not some, most) women I know had trouble / are having trouble having children. Even one child.

For these women, they will do anything - and I do mean anything - to have a baby.

I know someone who went through early menopause with no warning, was yet to start her family, and is now in the process of seeking a surrogate. She's my age - 39.

So, do you think she has any less right to have a baby than someone who "just has to look at" their husband and they are pregnant (probably the most annoying phrase any woman can utter)?

Technology exists to assist women - and men - who are reproductively challenged, so why not use it?

As Kidman said, "...we were in a place of desperately wanting another child and this opportunity arose for us. And I couldn't get pregnant and we wanted another baby. I get emotional just talking about it 'cause I'm so grateful to her."

Who knows why she couldn't get pregnant? Why is that our business? Why can't we just allow women - famous or not - to be happy? To enjoy the results of a long and emotional journey? We aren't there when they cry bucketloads of tears, but does that mean we can't be compassionate?

What do you think?

(Photos courtesy: NY Daily News and Sky News)


  1. I agree Josie. I think we sisters need to be more supportive of each other in our quest to have children and not be so judgemental. Like in birth - unless you've delivered vaginally with no drugs some believe women haven't earnt their stripes. But we should celebrate that we have choice in birth plans and in the way we have children. Whether by adoption, surrogates or whatever means to have a child is a gift..
    I think only those who've had problems conceiving will understand the desperate measures you will take to have a child.

  2. Thanks so much for your comment - and I agree with every single thing you say. There are so many women who are challenged when it comes to having kids - it's just that the women who for whom it was a cinch are often the most vocal.

    If the sisterhood was stronger we wouldn't feel the need to be so competitive. While I haven't gone through IVF or miscarriage I feel the pain of these women; it took me a year to conceive and I could barely cope. Let's talk openly about it - and most importantly... don't judge before you know the pain behind the story x