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Friday, 30 November 2012

'Magic Mike' - DVD giveaway

Have you had your dose of 'Magic Mike' yet?

Now that the film is just released on DVD you can enter this comp and see what all the fuss is about.

First, here's a trailer to whet your appetite:

Hot and bothered, and keen? Enter to win one of 5 DVDs on offer, by answering the question below and following these instructions:

- Like the 'Josie's Juice' Facebook page - just tick the top right hand corner
- Share this competition link on your Facebook wall
- Answer this question, in comments section below: why do you want to watch this DVD (yes, ogling IS a reason!)
- Send an email with your details to: josiegags@optusnet.com.au so your details are on hand if you are a winner

(*Competition open to Australian residents only; comp closes December 2012).

50 Shades of Divorce: wife 'inspired' by erotic book splits with husband

Have you read the book 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?

No, it's not a silly question. Many haven't. Including me.

Well, I have read enough to get the gist of the story and post about it, but really immerse myself? Not really.

And so, I plan to do that this weekend.

But will I feel like this woman did below... she is divorcing her husband after he refused to spice up their love life by reliving scenes from the erotic bestseller.

True story.

The wife, a 41 year old banker from the UK, earning more than £400,000 a year, claims her husband’s ‘boring attitude’ to sex is evidence of ‘unreasonable behaviour’ - which is the grounds for her divorce, filed at the High Court.

In the case, she refers to the novel [you probs know the plotline: the sadomasochistic affair between billionaire Christian Grey and naive student Anastasia Steele] which she bought almost as soon as it was published last year and hoped it would encourage her husband to be more adventurous in bed.

According to dailymail.co.uk:

"...she bought some sexy underwear but her husband failed to respond to her advances and he even blamed her behaviour on ‘that bloody book’.

Now she has petitioned for divorce citing his alleged low libido as evidence of ‘unreasonable behaviour’, one of the five grounds for divorce under English law. The wife’s solicitor, Amanda McAlister, a family law expert, believes the case is the first where the new phenomenon of ‘mummy porn’ has triggered a divorce."

Read more here.

And so: what has been your experience of reading this book? Have you wanted to pounce on your partner, and it has kinda taken him by surprise? Has he been weird about your newfound passion?

One friend reports - and I loosely quote - "I read it, then I want to jump my partner but by then he's asleep. So, that's kinda frustrating!"


LOL Elmo - new Hasbro release + giveaway

The new 'LOL Elmo' [gosh I love that they've used the modern vernacular for a kiddies' toy!] is out in time for Christmas and it's a winner for joyous little kids who love a laugh.

Perfect for children from 18 months to 4 years, Elmo is an infectious little bugger at the best of the times, and especially now in this little version which chuckles when tickled.

The new Sesame Street LOL Elmo laughs and makes silly sounds, and comes with a Dorothy fishbowl squeaker. When Elmo thinks something is funny, he rolls and shakes with laughter. The more he laughs, the more he moves. Adorbs.

See the cute ad here.

And, Josie's Juice has two LOL Elmo toys to give away.

Here's what you need to do to enter:

1. 'Like' the Josie's Juice Facebook page
2. Share this link on your Facebook wall
3. Email me at josiegags@optusnet.com.au with all your details, and answer this question: why does Elmo make you LOL so much?
*Comp open to Australian residents only

L'Oreal Paris Miss Candy Collection

Lolly pastels... so hot right now. Now, makeup has gone all sweet on us too... And I feel like I could gorge on it all and feel like I'm on a sugar-high of the best kind.  

Complementing our current passion for pastel coloured fashion, these eyeshadow, nail, and lip colours range from candy store tints to baby doll hues.

Here's the look, created by L'Oreal Paris:

This 'Miss Candy Collection' is available this summer as a limited edition collection.

The L’Oréal Paris Infallible Eyeshadow boldly mixes two shades into one so eyelids sport lusciously contrasting colours. Colour stays true and intact... resisting creasing, rubbing and water. The L’Oréal Paris Infallible Eyeshadow Miss Candy (RRP $19.95) colours are:

#31 Innocent Turquoise
#32 Sassy Chamallow
#33 Tender Caramel
#34 Pepsy Coral
#36 Naughty Strawberry

The Colour Riche Le Vernis range is a pretty palette of sugar-sweet nail colours. Thanks to the formula’s 'Integrated Gel Technology', colour glides on easier than ever for a smooth, even coverage over the entire nail. You can go monochrome, two-tone [blue base, a semi-circle of pink closest to nail bed], or stylise-it-up [blue polka dots on a pink base looks fantastic]. The Miss Candy collection nail polish colours [RRP $6.95] are:

#101 Opera Ballerina
#202 Marie Antoinette
#211 Opulent Pink
#215 Monaco Roses
#216 Milkshake in LA
#303 Lush Tangerine
#304 Spicy Orange
#305 Dating Coral
#306 Sex on the Beach
#507 Riviera Lavender
#601 French Riviera
#602 Perle de Jade
#617 Because You’re Worth It
#618 Santorini Lagoon

L’Oréal Paris' iconic gloss Glam Shine also interprets the Miss Candy Collection beautifully: eight, almost edible sugar-sweet shades. Each gloss includes a delicious mix of two complementary colours to create the iridescent, candy-coloured shades... L’Oréal Paris Glam Shine Miss Candy is RRP $22.95, and here are the colours below:

#701 Bubble Pink
#702 Candy Pink
#703 Tart Lollipop
#705 Strawberry Licorice
#708 Marshmallow Twist
#709 Miss Candy
#710 Pink Treat
#713 Cola Fizz

The limited edition L’Oréal Paris Miss Candy Collection is available December 2012 and January 2012 ONLY from selected pharmacies, department and variety stores nationally. Stockist number: 1300 659 259. Which colours tickle your fancy?

Pirelli Calendar 2013 - Steve McCurry's photos

The Pirelli calendar always conjures images of models and stars, in exotic settings, with barely a stitch of clothing. Often, completely starkers.

But this year... well, the brief was completely different. Like this. Yes. Clothes.

Said photographer for the 2013 Pirelli Calendar Steve McCurry [who famously shot that photo, called 'Afghan Girl']:

“Being selected to shoot the 2013 Pirelli Calendar was a great honour, the beauty of Rio made it the perfect backdrop. Known for its soul, energy and remarkable socioUeconomic transformation, Brazil is a country which has taken her place among the fastest growing and most vibrant countries on earth. Rio’s varied landscapes of ocean, mountains and jungle, combined with a dynamic urban culture, made it a wonderful location to shoot the people whose faces you will see in these pages. Rio’s people are every bit as amazing as the spectacular landscapes. I was inspired by their hospitality, warmth and generosity. I wanted to photograph a mix of everyday people combined with a very special group of women known not only for their talent and beauty, but also for their charitable work and contributions to their communities. I also enjoyed photographing wall art all over the world, the spirit of Rio came alive through the images and words on the walls. Wall art, popularly known as graffiti, comes from an ancient tradition going back Millennia. The collection in this calendar is my personal tribute to the people who live in one of the most exciting cities I have had the privilege to photograph.”

You MUST watch this making-of backgrounder in Brazil. So well done:

And so, here are the photos - and here is the link to one of the most clicked posts on Josie's Juice: the Pirelli Calendar Saga documentary.

Yes, that's Adriana Lima - Victoria's Secret model - with child

Yes, that's Sonia Braga. [Thanks Sarine for making me check...]

Scunci Bun Maker - the easiest way to create a hair top knot

Creating easy hairstyles so I am out the door quickly is of paramount importance any day of the week, though especially when my hair is:

a) not behaving and "all over the shop." And...
b) hair is not squeaky-clean.

Who has the time to wash hair daily? And anyway, hair has more texture and traction and therefore easier to style when it's a little dirty and not slippery-clean.

The Scunci Bun Maker - which I have trailed and played with for several weeks now - is my tool of choice for creating the perfect bun.
It really is a cinch to use. Here is a how-to video tutorial:

Here's what you get in the Scunci Bun Maker box:

To buy, head to Big W, Priceline, or Target, and selected pharmacies. It's only $9.95.

For more info, clickety click right here.

Here are some celeb examples of the perfect bun... high or low, it's super-duper easy... Give it a go!

Do you like? I love this style. Interestingly, I found that women adore this style; men, not so much. What are you experiences when wearing this style? Comment below.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

'The Voice' New Coach - Ricky Martin

And the new coach for 'The Voice' Australia is... Ricky Martin.

The announcement was made on 'A Current Affair' tonight.

'The Voice' was the hit of the year for Channel Nine, and swept ratings consistently.

For more on the phenomenon, click here.

What do you think of the new judge choice? Will you watch the show in 2013?

Here's a video of the news:

Olivia Wilde: 'The Conversation' - on divorce and self-discovery

Have you watched this TV show yet? 'The Conversation' - you must. Little bites of gets-you-right-there wisdom from celebs, chatting on a couch with Amanda de Cadenet.

Here are clips from actress Olivia Wilde's interview, on divorce and self-discovery:

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Facebook status updates - the biggest 'selfie'?

I came across a Facebook status update... about Facebook status updates.

And I found it quite interesting. So I asked the person who posted it if I could share. She said yes. That person is radio host - for Illawarra's i98FM radio station - Bianca Dye.

Here is her post:

"I haven't looked on Facebook properly for months but after doing so tonight I'm thinking I'm embarrassed for so many of us (including myself - trust me) that we think alllll these people that "follow" us really gives a "rat's ass" about our self indulgent photos of ourselves at parties - and with nieces and nephews and on holidays and eating and basically vomiting up whatever self indulgent ego based vile we want all our "friends" to see/share/care about.
I'm here to say we don't - no one does - it's society gone mad - it's the biggest "selfie" you could ever take for all the world to see...
What have we become? (Am I a hypocrite? Of course I am - I work in media and it's perfect for us - but not shots of me with my aunty Anna's niece's sister's kid - fail. No one cares) Facebook is gonna self implode one day... :)"

I get Bianca's point, I do: Facebook IS one big selfie. And I am guilty of this, yes. Of course I post pics of me at parties and my twinnies and sometimes, food [although I have found that most dishes on FB look like dog's poo, unless an Instagram filter is applied. Even then it still looks like slop].
And Bianca does acknowledge she is a "hypocrite" about it all and does the very thing she dislikes seeing in her Facebook 'newsfeed'.
But is it true some people don't care about you post?
Well, that's no real shock - I don't think everyone on my FB friends list is really going to give a stuff about how my kids' kindergarten orientation went today. Or how I just completed an interview with so and so. Or how I love my husband... or he kinda annoys the crap out of me.
Perhaps some online pals think I am a show-off or full of myself or a tad too occupied with my kids or obsessed with accessories and Victoria's Secret... or all of the above.
They'd be right: I am full of myself sometimes. But I'm not doing it to impress - it's a real documentation of my life.
The 'other' stuff - the shite that fills my day, like deadlines and wiping tiny bums, and arguing with my husband, well that is hardly FB status update-worthy.
And I don't expect everyone to 'like' my every move or silly pic, but some do and I like that a lot. Likewise, I don't 'like' every single thing my pals do or so or believe in. At those time I simply don't comment.
Here are some comments in reply to Bianca's post:
Says one: "You're probably right, but I enjoy seeing my good friends families growing up, seeing a record of being a part of it. I enjoy sharing my developing family with my extended family and friends. Sure there are loads of my friends that don't give a crap, but there is a significant number who do and I really appreciate that. Sorry to get all deep with the response."
Replies Bianca: "Mike u have a valid point & I'll prob keep using it for that reasoning... I'm just saying after scrolling thru a lot of people I was like "what a crock of shit"!!!! Lol" 
And another comment: "The more people become self involved, caught up in the I/me generation, the more we become obsessed with the Kardashians and "reality" tv, the easier it becomes to distract the attention of the masses to the real goings on of the world. Big brother found the best way to divert attention was through self obsession."
Adds Bianca: "I guess for every wanna be on here posing there are a zillion people using it for awesome shit -for every person showing every second of a holiday there is someone using it for good. & raising money huh? That's positive. For ever dickhead using it to bully someone else is telling someone how "awesome" they r! So ... Perhaps the positives outweigh the negs ??"
Another comment: "If ur not happy Bianca why Is ur account stil active?"
Replies Bianca: " i AM happy - im just allowed my opinion.... its one opinion - & let me tell you i also love using facebook for all the positives too let me tell you/// i just find it vomitus too sometimes - im SURE IF MOST PEOPLE ARE HONEST THEY WILL AGREE that some days its awesome & some days its a wankfest!! xxx"

I get what Bianca is trying to say us we put forward our best self... often to the point of overly embellishing. To the point of, sometimes, bullshit.
So, what are your thoughts? Is Facebook one big wankfest? Or a warm and fuzzy place? Or can it create some online chaos, even ruin friendships?
Comment below!

Facebook copyright hoax - and other Facebook scams

Okay, so it's a new round of Facebook hoaxes... this time, one that has kinda happened before, just worded slightly different.

You may have seen THIS message on various Facebook status updates:

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention). For commercial use of the above my written consent is needed at all times!

(Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will place them under protection of copyright laws)

By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook's direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).

Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates...

Guess what? It's all a hoax.

According to Snopes.com:

Facebook users cannot retroactively negate any of the privacy or copyright terms they agreed to when they signed up for their Facebook accounts nor can they unilaterally alter or contradict any new privacy or copyright terms instituted by Facebook simply by posting a contrary legal notice on their Facebook walls.

And here is more of an explanation from Snopes.com.

And you know that whole 'hover over my name' thing on Facebook? Well, that's another hoax.

This clip will explain it...

For more Facebook myth debunking, go here.

Monday, 26 November 2012

Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfriends: Straight Men Respond

"Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfriends": Straight Men From Scotch Tape Productions Respond.
This is just too good:

Oh wait... straight men: is this... actually what you're thinking?!

What do you think of the viral video?

Watch the original video here.

Ellen Talks to Rihanna's 'Her' - Do You Have A Pet Name For Your Vagina?

Do you have a pet name for your vagina? Or perhaps refer to 'it' as a whole other entity?

This is how Rihanna refers to her lady parts, on Ellen's show:

So funny.

Do you have a pet name for your vajayjay? What is it [oh go on, you can be anonymous below]?

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Fifty Shades of Chicken - cookbook, video, recipes

Have you seen this yet?

The trailer for the new book 'Fifty Shades of Chicken'. Watch and share:

Here's a link about the book and where to buy.

Now that's food porn...

For now, the author plans to remain anonymous [F L Fowler is a pen name]. "I've been developing recipes for years. But this is the first time I've ever delved into this dark, forbidden side of poultry preparation," explains the writer. "And when it comes to sexing up a family dinner, a little privacy can be a good thing."

With recipes like 'mustard spanked chicken' and 'dripping thighs' - see pic below [click here for the recipes] it's begging to be flicked through...


Fifty Sheds of Grey (A Parody) - book release

On the fun 'Fifty Shades of Grey' parody bandwagon is this beauty: a book called 'Fifty Sheds of Grey'.

It's a compilation of "shed erotica for the not-so-modern man."

Book synopsis: Colin Grey's life was happy and simple until the day everything changed – the day his wife read THAT book. Suddenly, he was thrust head-first into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain.

This is the story of one man's struggle against a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire and of the greatest love of all: the love between a man and his shed.

A sampler is below. The publisher gives this fun 'warning': "This sampler contains graphic shed-based images. Please don't look if you are easily offended."

And the author? "Colin Trevor Grey is a passionate gardener and amateur shed owner."

Buy yours here.

Here are more samples of the book, and the book cover, below:

Italian father custody battle: the family finally speaks on 60 Minutes

The story that has kept the Australian public gripped for several months is finally coming to a head of sorts tonight - the family's story is to screen on 60 Minutes Australia. [UPDATED: 60 Minutes FULL transcript now features... clip will be up shortly. Click here for transcript.

Also, Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade response to 60 Minutes question is here.

To watch the entire interview, see below:

Here is the first part of the 60 Minutes transcript:

STORY – TARA BROWN: It was a scene few Australians who saw it will ever forget - children being torn from their mother, the dramatic finale to a tragic family split.
LAURA: The girls running, and then other girls running, girls resisting, screaming, men on top of my children pulling their arm and their hand back, and them screaming for help. I, I, I was hysterical myself. I didn’t know what to do. It’s police, are they allowed to do that to kids? The girls have been taken. It’s my world, my whole world destroyed, and I’m terrified of what’s going to happen.
TARA BROWN: And the Italian father accused of psychological and physical abuse.
TOMMASO: No, is not true. The girl have a - a good relationship with me, and the girl love me. I think is the worst period on my life, this.
TARA BROWN: And in the middle of it all, four innocent girls.
EMILY: My name is Emily Vincenti, and I’m 14 years old.
CLAIRE: My name is Claire Vincenti, and I’m 13 years old.
CHRISTINE: My name is Christine Vincenti, and I’m 10 years old.
LILLIANE: My name is Lilli Vincenti, and I’m 9 years old.
TARA BROWN: But tonight, we reveal the central role played by the Australian Embassy in Rome, that made a mother’s desperate plot to flee Italy possible. So what did the Australian Embassy say to you? What did they say they could do?
LAURA: They said that they could assist me, and they said they would help me come back to Australia.
TOMMASO: The Australian Government is against me.
TARA BROWN: Forgivable or unforgivable?
TOMMASO: For me, is unforgivable. Very unforgivable.
TARA BROWN: On paper, this was a simple case – a family divided and that division dealt with by the Italian courts, just as it would have been in Australia. What makes this different, and what has probably added immeasurably to the trauma of four young girls for whom Italy is home, is the role of the Australian Embassy and the Department of Foreign Affairs – who helped turn a custody dispute here into an international abduction saga. It’s a nightmare that began as a fairytale. Laura Garrett was just a girl, just 15, and an exchange student, when she met a boy – 16-year-old Tommaso Vincenti, in Florence.
LAURA: I thought it was the most beautiful place in the world. The buildings were ancient. It was beautiful, I was really, really happy to be there.
TARA BROWN: You are in Florence, it would be very hard not to fall in love, I’d imagine.
TOMMASO: Yes. I very fall in love with Laura, yes.
TARA BROWN: Tommaso and Laura were each other’s first love, which blossomed when his family let her stay with them.
TOMMASO: When you are younger, you think everything is forever and the love is forever.
TARA BROWN: So she was very much part of your family.
TOMMASO: Yes, yes, Laura is part of the family. My - my mother and my father consider Laura, ah, daughter.
TARA BROWN: Within a couple of years, Laura was pregnant and a bride. She was just 17, Tommaso – 18. Well, here on your wedding day you look very happy.
TOMMASO: Very happy, yes. Very young also.
TARA BROWN: Very young. Tommaso’s family house in rural Tuscany, the ideal setting to bring up a young family. First there was Emily, then Claire.
TOMMASO: The children like this place, and also they - they, my childrens, ah, grow - grow up, in this place.
TARA BROWN: But three years into the marriage, the young couple suffered the anguish of losing their next daughter, Julienne, at just three months. According to Laura, their daughter’s death in 2000 changed Tommaso.

To continue reading, click here.

Several weeks ago, when the story was at its height in the headlines, I asked my social media friends what they made of the situation.

Here are some of their thoughts. Please feel free to add yours at the bottom of the piece.

Says Anna:"I think the courts should put the children where they want to go. Stuff the laws about where the kids were born. Family courts are all about 'what's best for the children', but that law has nothing to do with what's best for them. I know it's unfair for the father though if he lost his kids.... but something better than this needs to be worked out."

Adds Leigh: "I think there's something going on that we don't know about. Why is the mother scared to go back? Why does she say they hate her in the village? The father seems reasonable, but why are the girls so adamant they don't want to stay? Very curious.

Added Donna: "All I ask is why has the father separated the girls? Something weird is going on. Is divide and conquer? Weird!"

Says Sandra: "The mother doesn't want to go back as she may be charged for kidnapping. The father told the girls if they don't calm down they will be put into foster care!! The girls have no communication with the mother at all now...so it will be interesting how it will unfold!!"

Kasey adds: "I think there's a lot more to it all."

Says Veronica: "The girls seem terrified of staying with their father.....and I find it weird that he hasn't come forward and spoken to media. Its all a bit fishy to me."

Sandra brings up an interesting point: "Don't the girls have dual citizenship?? So is that why the Australian government helped?"

Adds Rita: "All I can say in my ignorance is that as a parent, if my children were screaming to stay with the other parent, as much as it would be killing me, I would have to let them go."

Helen brings up this point: "Josie there are two sides to this story, according to the news last Thursday the father actually allowed the girls to visit the mother thinking they would return to Italy however the mother had a different motive. Claims of abuse by the father was totally rubbish, the father also said he would not press charges against the mother and that he was willing to work on an amicable arrangement to visit the girls in Italy when ever the mother wanted. Never judge anyone until proven guilty, we all don't know the full facts!"

Donna brings up a good point: "I don't think we will ever get the full story and the fact is they made a private battle public but to me it was weird when the father wanted the girls home so much yet divided them them up. I don't understand that, if it was me I'd want all of them home together. I really don't understand both the parents using the girls in a battle of wills and I believe the girls will eventually end up where they want to be. the mother may have to wait for the girls to get older but if they really don't want to be there they will make their way home in the end."

Says Anna: "Ok, these are my observations, and there are always two sides to every story, so without me being on the inside of this case you can never really know what the truth is... Anyway, from the articles I have read, video footage and radio talk back - my opinion is as follows - I think there is something not right about the mother, after all the father trusted the ex with his 4 girls on a 4 week holiday and the mum deceived him by kidnapping the chidren, apparently the girls wanted to return to Italy early on and its been document in the court, however as time has passed the mother has put fear in the children about the father and going back...A mum has immense power over her children - a real major influence, so I am not surprised how they feel as they have been here for over two years...the other thing I dont find quite right is why on the day of the girls departure back to Italy, why was she all dolled up in high heels, flower in her hair and dressed up...if it was me, I wouldnt give a f...about dressing myself up I would be a wreck worrying about my kids...and would look like a complete wreck...last of all the father has dropped charges and also offered to pay for the mums trip back to Italy, so why was she not on that plane, I sure would have been...apparently the relationship broke down in the first place because another daughter had died....they had 5 children together so their life dont think was that bad...how bad could a Tuscan villa be....I would be curious to hear the fathers side...."

And now, on 60 Minutes... both sides.

What are your thoughts? It's been said time and again and it's true: there are NO winners.

How one date can change your life. Forever.

One date can send your head into a spin.

I was reading the Sunday Telegraph this morning and suddenly... I felt sick. My stomach churned. I ran to the loo.

It was a 'nothing' date to anyone else - just a retrospective look at what the music charts looked like on this week in 1985. But that date was December 1, 1985. A date seared in my brain forever. And for devastating reasons.

This was the date my father was killed. In a car accident. On his way to his second job on a Sunday morning. Just several hundred metres up the very road on which we lived.

It ripped our lives apart forever. We have never recovered. We never will.

There's so much to say about this life-altering date and all that has happened in the almost 27 years since.

I don't really know where to start.

Perhaps I should start with the fact that I am still insanely jealous of women who have relationships with their dads. And that I don't wish them ill harm for a second, but I wonder why my dad got the short end of the stick. Why did he deserve to die and others get to enjoy their lives well into retirement?

That feeling of feeling severely "ripped off" is one I have grappled with for years. Only in recent years have I sorta, kinda made my peace with that. But not really.

On that fateful morning, not only did my father lose his life in a brutal way - and it pains me to the core to think about how he suffered in death - but a huge chunk of our souls were snatched and can never be replenished. My older brothers lost their dad, their father figure, the man to guide them through life.

My mother lost her partner in life, her rock, her main man in helping raise three kids barely under 18.

My mother never remarried, never wanted to, it never even entered the equation of her lonely future ahead.

I have said lots of late: "I have been my mum's husband for 26 years, and I am a little tired." If you knew me well you'd know it's not being disrespectful. It's just that carrying that emotional load for all this time has had a huge impact on my own emotional wellbeing.

You'd understand if it happened to you.

And me... well I lost my faith in my faith. Not entirely, but it tested me. And the deep hurt I feel in my broken heart is still present. Time may have dulled it a tad, but only because I am now a woman of 40 with a plate so full I can barely keep up. This does not mean my love for my dad is diminished; it's just that other life happenings have filled my headspace.

My memory of all the good times with my dad have been vastly erased. I am sure there is a psychological explanation for this: when you erase good memories along with bad ones as a defence mechanism. Whatever that is called: I have it. And I hate it.

I was denied of an entire future with my dad. He was denied of a relationship with his daughter, his future son in law, his future grandkids. It really guts me that my kids don't have a grandfather to speak of. That they will never, ever know how insanely proud my typical Italian robust, jovial, awesome papa' would've been with them. Downtime with his daughter's kids is the least this beautiful human being deserved for working his guts out to give us a fantastic education, a lovely home, and food on the table for a working class, blue-collar, ethnic family of five.

Seeing that date in the paper spiralled me back to age 13. When I was a young, emotionally-unsure, awkward girl, who was neither cool nor hot but definitely brainy. And funny. Somehow over the years I have ensured that day didn't define me entirely and I continued to be someone with a sense of humour, always looking at the lighter, brighter side. There could be worse. And boy did I learn that the hard way. My empathy factor reached new heights. Suddenly, my DNA was overflowing with the empathetic gene, and I have always rallied for those less fortunate than me. This may have been a turning point in my life when I realised that being cocky about my future was never going to serve me well. [I can sniff out people who have never experienced death or family hardship a mile away. And their arrogance kinda annoys me. Whatever. They'll work it out].

I am convinced I developed what I later identified as a fear of abandonment. It impacted HUGELY on my romantic relationships. I was often the dumpee, not the dumper. I attached quickly and made things work at all costs. It was only when I had had e-nough of all THAT shit that I realised I was a truly awesome, fantastic human being and gave a big "eff you" to all the monumental dickheads who didn't deserve my time, let alone be in a emotional relationship with me. It wasn't all bad of course, some deep connections were made. But I think I never really worked out how to 'do' relationships. When I stopped giving a shit, my now husband came into my world. [That's a whole other blog post].

And so, however much time passes it's interesting to me that a single thought, word, image, or indeed date can rocket me back to a time which was my emotional lowest of low, a time when my heart was ripped open, with a grief so palpable I truly thought I was going to die of a broken heart.

I never want to go back there... but sadly it's just a thought away.