The Only Way is Essex: a whole other planet

The Only Way is Essex is my new fave watching-but-not-watching TV show.

It's the perfect I am zoning-out-as-I-have-too-much-shit-to-do-but-need-white-noise-crap; in fact, I can 'watch' entire eps without even noticing!

I think it's the dull lull of the almost monotone, but strangely sing-song voices I hear while I work that make it just right to get on with what I have to do. And yet, I am crazy about the Essex accent. Mad about it.

When I occasionally look up from laptopping, all I see is a sea of fake tan, stupidly long fake eyelashes, and eye makeup so dark Pandas are surely queuing for makeup tips.

The groomed guys all are disturbingly very handsome... and yet, most women would run the other way if they met a bloke who looked so perfect, so high maintanence.

Here is a snapshot of an episode:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yM30VdNvPY&feature=related

In this clip, my two fave girls - Amy and Sam - are discussing the definition of an Essex girl. It's a pearler... if you can make out what they're saying:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eU-usPBJwI&feature=related

And in this clip, the same two are contemplating va-jazzling styles... a must-watch if you need tips on how to pretty-up your landing strip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xlgrz0I9jq4&feature=related

And this clip shows Amy and Kirk having a phone chat... again: huh? I need a translator...! But I can't get enough:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZjr4GLTJj4&feature=related

The show follows the lives of nightclub promoter Mark and his aspiring pop-star sister Jessica Wright, fashionista Lauren Goodger, nightclub owner Kirk Norcross, beauty therapist Amy Childs and glamour model Sam Faiers.

As the series kicks off, ‘love rat’ Mark is adjusting to a newly single life since breaking up with his glamorous girlfriend Lauren after 9½ years; part-time model and beauty therapist Amy is meant to be embracing a new relationship with nightclub owner Kirk but prefers to hang out with her cousin Harry and gossipy best friend Sam. Meanwhile, Sam is causing problems for Lauren as she relentlessly flirts and pursues Mark. So much drama! And yet, I barely notice it...

What do you think of Essex guys and girls? Do you live there/have you been there? Share...

The Only Way is Essex screens Mondays at 8.30pm on LifeStyle YOU, available on FOXTEL and AUSTAR.