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Wednesday 2 May 2012

The Other Woman: But He Didn't Tell Me

I read the article by Chrissie Swan (Love her. Hysterically funny, and now a thought-provoking writer, too) on 'being the other woman'.

In her article for the Sun-Herald 'Sunday Life' magazine, Chrissie talks about being the other woman... but... not knowing 'the wife' even existed.

It's a different spin on cheating... a bit of Clayton's infidelity, I guess: it's the cheating you have when you don't even know you're cheating.

An excerpt from Chrissie's piece:

"He was married. His name wasn't Matt. He was an accountant. The single lawyer called Matt I'd been seeing for a few months was actually a married accountant called Dave. Ten minutes later, he called me back after having seen two missed calls from me. Clearly oblivious to the fact he'd activated his identity-revealing voicemail greeting, the conversation started cheerily enough.

Matt/Dave: "Hey, gorgeous! Are you having a good night?"

Chrissie/Idiot: "Yeah. It's all right... but not as exciting as hanging out with a married accountant called Dave."

Matt/Dave: Click.

You can read the rest of Chrissie's story here:


So... has this ever happened to you?

Dead-set against the whole concept of cheating... and then, you find out, you inadvertently are the other woman. Or... the other man?

Feel free to comment - anonymously, of course...


  1. Hi Josie, this is my thought on the subject:

    There's a line in The Kite Runner that reads, 'When you lie, you steal someone's right to the truth'.

    As someone whose (ex)husband lied, cheated and denied (and even brought the other women to our home for dinner when I was pregnant with our second child), I say let honesty prevail.

    If you know someone who is being cheated on, tell them so they can make an informed decision about the direction their own life should go in. It will be painful but might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to them...

    It's also worth considering that there's a world full of good men and women who have no interest in living a lie or hurting the people they should love and honour the most.

  2. THE MARRIED AND NARCISSIST DOCTOR. Two years I wasted. I could have taken my life in a different direction before meeting the nicest Doctor in Australia!
    He came to our NSW rural town from Melbourne. 'Single'. He moved in with me shortly afterwards, but retained the 'Doctors House' that was part of his contract package. (On reflection.. for his skype communication to his family 1 hour per night).
    Two years later of supposed bliss, he comes home and tells me that he is moving back to Melbourne and that I will not know where he is going, and that there will be no contact. Floored me! Never had we had an argument, and the local community sensored us as a perfect couple.
    Off I go to Thailand to lick my wounds.
    Low and behold, in my absence he takes out a restraining order- AVO - claiming that I'm a patient stalking his family!
    Such thoughtful and clever manipulation of the legal system so he would MAKE sure that his family would never know of me.
    Later, down the track the Court revoked this accussation, as his own legal team determined that he was lying.
    But two years of lying. Lol. Each day. My reality was always a lie. I had no idea he was married. He was so good and clever at his lying that there was not one person in this community who would have even thought such a thing.
    So the question is.. do these men who lie, destroy other peoples lives. I believe so. Their family eventually and those that cross their paths.
    For me... I am selling up my properties and business and feel the need to relocate to the coast due to some of the communities prejudice towards me. (Their favourite Doctor must have left town because of me. This being reflected in isolation and personal persecution). And I had to attend court on bogus accusatons. None of this sits well with me and yes.. his lying had a profound affect on my direction in life.
    This coward being a G.P. gets away with his type of behaviour because he knows that 'Doctors' are regarded with integrity and are one of the most trusted professions in Australia. Beware.
    ps The book that he was reading on the night prior to my execution
    was Sigmund Freud.
    pss And I never endangered or stalked his family.
    Thanks for letting me share.

  3. Pleasure... and wow, WHAT A STORY. Here's to a clean slate... and a new life! x

  4. I was in a situation like this, I'm only 17 and my mate, we'll call her deb, had been chatting to this guy, we'll call him simon, he wanted to come and meet her so she asked if he would bring a friend along for me so he did, and we'll call him Matt. So when we met them we went through the usual routine of asking ages etc. Me and matt hit it off straight away, there was something I wasn't sure of so I asked if he was single and he said yes, so I just put it down to the fact I had been the other woman before and did not know. However I still kept questioning him, he kept swearing blind he had been single for 6 months. So I left it. We was seeing each other for about a week but we felt so comfortable around each other, but I refused to sleep with him straight off and he said he would wait for me. I then get a phone call from a woman asking if I know a Matt when I asked who she was she informed me that she was his fiance, it broke me especially as it had happened to me before. She now has his number and i have no way of contacting him which has helped a lot however I still have so many unanswered questions and I know ill never get the answers so i just have to get on with it and put it down to really bad experience especially at my age